Howdy ho there. Last time I posted the word ‘sex’ in my headline I had over double of my normal viewers… you dirty folks… So I figured I’d do it again and get my numbers up 😉 I kid, I kid. Again, today we are discussing sex, and in the context of a married man and wife. Not a dating couple.
Most men would agree that they do not get enough sex from their wives. Like we talked about a couple of weeks ago, it’s not just about frequency with me. It’s the want. Men need to know that their wife wants to be with them. And here’s the kicker – women are exactly the same. We just have a different way of needing that to be shown.
Here is a percentage for you guys from Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn’s book, ‘For Men Only” that I want you guys to read and then re-read.
96% of women agreed with this statement: “Just because I do not want sex as often as he does, I still love him deeply and find him very attractive.”
75% of women said that they wanted less sex than their husbands also said it had nothing to do with his desirability, sexual prowess or general studliness.
Just because women don’t normally need as much sex as men do, is no indicator of their feelings for their spouse!
Here’s something else they said – Most guys would be thinking this – “I can’t imagine finding my wife attractive, being in love with her and not wanting to have sex with her often.”
Newsflash. Women and men are different.
There will be a few of these blog posts because I know this is an issue in a lot of marriages. We will address a couple today.
#1. Women generally have a lower sex drive than men. Women have less sexually assertive hormones, unlike men. This means women are less likely to initiate sex and less likely to crave sex. It also means that outside disturbances can be a lot more distracting. For example: a noise from the kids, a headache or exhaustion. One woman put it like this: “For guys, it seems, sex provides relief or escape from exhaustion. For women, we have to pull ourselves out of exhaustion in order to have sex.”
Then they asked a big question. If you could change your sex drive to meet your husbands, would you?
EIGHTY-TWO percent said yes.
Among happily married couples the desire was almost 100%.
So guys – Women aren’t making up the headache stories, they aren’t trying to avoid you because they think you’re getting too pudgy around the middle. It’s not that. It is a biological thing. But there are things you can do to HELP her.
Which brings me to #2…
#2. She needs to mentally prepare. Guys have sex on like a light switch. One glance at wifey out of the shower and you’re ready. For the most part, women aren’t like that. Movies portray women as sexual bimbos who are ready whenever and wherever, if only the guy is man enough. That’s not true for like 98% of the female population. Women need a heads up.
You remember we talked about all those windows open in a womans head? All the things going on and in and around our head? Well, when we are heading to bed, those thoughts are all still in there. And like the story in this book, the husband rolls over and says, “Whatcha doing over there?” It takes a little longer for us to close all those windows and open up a new one than it does for men.
It’s not wrong that we are like this – God made us this way – but for the vast majority of women out there, this applies. One woman put it this way, “It’s like trying to stop a cruise ship that’s going full steam ahead and making it turn on a dime. I can’t quite turn off the day and do an about-face in the blink of an eye like he can.”
I know that’s sex overload… Haha! We’ll continue this one next Monday.
Whew. Glad that’s over… aren’t we all blushing now?
We had a good weekend. Friday I took Lucy and Judah to the Zoo. She played in the splashpad with her 2nd cousins. She had fun.
The jaguar was moving! We’ve only ever seen him asleep.
We rode the train.
And splashpad fun. Took her a while to get in it. Little Miss Precautious.
And then we rode the carosel. Lucy chose the tiger.
And she was a little freaked out by it.
But then she had fun.
And then Lunch at Wendy’s!
Overall it was a fun day.
Saturday we worked on our house. And that’s our plan for today as well. Hoping to see some good results by the end of today. Yay!
Have a great Monday!